genies: idk why people take me so seriously i never even know what im saying
Me: Fuck you're good at cuddling.
Me: Shh don't speak.
crentorcist: I’m voting for Mitt Romney because he got pushed in front of a bus. I’m voting for Barack Obama because he pushed him.
me: the older i get, the more i understand Squidward's anger.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity...– Mark Twain (via delacoures)
today at work a young hispanic man was having trouble with the bottle machine he was using so i stayed outside with him to help unjam it and help with the bottles and when he was done a bunch of gangsters showed up who knew him apparently and he shook my hand and they were all like ”eeyy you alright man you alright. you ever need anyting you let us know aint nobody gun fuck wit you” and then...